Today's Stats

Weather: Rainy, Overcast, Breezy

Temperature: 80

1st Run Taken: 9:48am

Last Run Dropped: 7:01pm

Total Runs Completed: 29

Sangfroid: 10+

Holy wrinkled feet and toes today was awesome! Although it did rain for most of the day, anything would have been better than the oppressive heat of last week's Nuclear Scrotocaust. It's funny, usually I would have been irritated over the idea of being soggy and grimy for 9 hours in the saddle, but today it was down right pleasant. Furthermore, the day flew by for me. This was certainly the result of having a decent amount of work to do. The rain affects the business world in much the same way as the heat; when its bad, no one wants to leave the office. So, I stayed active for most of the day. Also, I was in a tremendous mood. I typically enjoy Mondays. While the rest of the world bitches about having to face another week of voluntary servitude, I am well psyched to get back to work. For the most part, I love my job. I mean, I get paid to ride around in my favorite urban playground, meet interesting and diverse people from all different cultures and backgrounds, and price gouge the hell out of them! If you didn't know, bike messengers are outlaws. They are a roguish combination of pirate and pony express rider. The pony express comparison is obvious, however, we are pirates in the sense that we add innumerable "convenience" charges to the price of our customer's runs. Whether or not these charges are legitimate, or a gross overestimation, depends largely upon the messenger's current disposition, energy level, and quite honestly, his bank account. Got a delivery to a fifth floor walk-up? Well, that's a buck/floor. I had to wait 10 minutes for you to get your package ready? Hmm, it felt a little longer to me, I'll just charge you for 20. After 5pm? Well, the price just doubled. Feels a little heavy? Oversize? No big deal, I'll just add an extra $5-$10 for my trouble. Oh, you want it in 15 minutes? Sure, that'll be $20 extra. It's such a scam, but not really. These surcharges and prices are easily found on our rate sheet. However, rarely do clients look at these. So, we(I) stick it to 'em whenever applicable. Surprisingly, the customers rarely bitch. You see, our clients hire us to deliver their products or documents, but it's their customers who foot the bill. So, these charges appear on a regurgitated invoice of limited accountability. "But Justin, don't you feel bad for being so dishonest?", you might ask. Hell flying fucking no! Give me a goddamn break. I have the most dangerous job in the city. Bike messenger deaths far outnumber cops and firemen. Approximately 22 messengers/year are killed on the job. Police and firemen deaths combined don't even touch that. Furthermore, we already get paid shit and we don't have insurance. So, no, I don't feel bad for charging a few extra bucks per run to make it worth my while. I consider it "hazard pay". Plus, I have my ego to maintain, and trust me, it is a voracious ego.

"At the end of the work day, Justin's legs were covered in a thick layer of pungent, urban offal."